yesterday i got home and i started feeling bad and then it got better for a while but when i tried to go to bed i stayed up for another 2 hours crying
i wish i had the time and energy to do something meaningful with my life
welp! i guess its time to go to therapy again. that''s life in the city. :)
ever since that thing happened my spirituality has been different. im doing less magic; instead im paying for a meditation class online.
i called in sick to work today. its cool that i make enough money to go to the dentist now and buy furniture but i just get these Episodes, these intense flashes of inability-to-function and anger and distress. maybe i should buy more Fun and frivolous stuff. i dont know. i feel like ive made the wrong decisions in life to end up here. there is still time to change. thats showbuisness for you:)
i have such an easy life compared to most people and i can barely keep my head above the water. is this.. autism? [others'] lives just seems so not-worth-it, all the time, to me.
this is what the gruppo di nun would call an oracular encounter with Depression - a window into the black forever-future, entropy, the movement towards which is none other than TIME=LOVE
i tell you a secret nao...
if more entities were like me, this shit would not stand. not for a minute. something radical would happen
but as it stands, i am paralyzed by the desire to avoid pain , i have a geopolitics-powered-cryochamber within which to dwell for the rest of my natural life
i dedicate the merit accumulated in this website to the abolition of suffering for all sentient beings.